I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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