My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
