just come out here and I will go home with you...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
