Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
