i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
We need to rekindle our bromance
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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