did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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