I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Please, let me fuck your mom
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
