I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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