So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
