i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
