how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
