You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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