oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
