i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
