there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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