the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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