Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
