Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
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