Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
