But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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