Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Randomize
