I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
