My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
