I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
