i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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