My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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