the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
