I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
