so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
nutella sex= disaster
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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