If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
