I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
