conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
