Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
