I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
