I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
