Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
pop tarts are not kleenex
vagina is talking i cant
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
