can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
