Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
