i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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