this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
