yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
