just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
