i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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