3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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