Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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