Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
