I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
