this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
