she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
