got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
