ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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