I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
